How to Run a Secret Santa: Rules, Budget and Etiquette

Secret Santa is simple: everyone in a group gives one gift to one person, and nobody knows who their giver is until the reveal. It works best when the rules are clear and the organizer keeps the secrets. This guide covers how to plan one for an office, a family or a group of friends. For a message to go with it at work, see how to write a corporate holiday greeting.

1. Decide who is taking part

Ask people to opt in rather than assuming everyone wants to join. A message with a clear deadline works well. A group of eight to twenty is easy to manage. Smaller groups can feel too obvious, and much larger ones make the reveal long.

2. Set the budget and say the currency

Choose a limit and write it down. Many groups choose a small amount so nobody feels pressure. Whatever you choose, state the amount and the currency, and say whether it includes postage or wrapping. If people earn very different salaries, a lower limit is kinder. A homemade gift can be a welcome alternative.

Try it: what will it cost?

Change the numbers to see how many gifts there will be and what the group will spend in all.

12 gifts to buy and wrap, about $240 spent by the whole group.

Each person buys one gift, so the number of gifts equals the number of people.

3. Pick the date, place and deadlines

Decide when gifts need to be ready and where the swap will happen. For a remote group, set a posting deadline early enough for gifts to arrive, and say whether gifts go to a home address or a workplace. Share the plan in writing so nobody has to guess.

A simple timeline

1. About four weeks beforeInvite people to opt inGive a clear deadline to join.
2. About three weeks beforeSet the budget, currency, date and placeShare the plan in writing.
3. After the join deadlineDraw the namesMessage each person their match privately.
4. Two weeks beforeShare the rules and any hintsAsk about allergies before anyone buys food.
5. A week beforeRemind everyoneRemote gifts need to be in the post by now.
6. Swap dayThe revealOpen gifts, guess the giver, then find out.
7. The day afterSay thank youA short message keeps the tradition alive.

Suggested timing. Shorten it for a small group.

4. Draw the names fairly

Say Wishes does not draw the names for you, so use any simple, random method. The table compares three common ones. Check what an online tool does with the names before you use it.

Method	Best for	Watch out for
Names in a hat	A group in one room	Redraw if someone picks their own name
A shuffled list, shifted one place	A quick draw by the organizer	It is less random, so mix the order first
A free online draw tool	A group that is spread out	Check what it does with the names first

If couples or close family members are in the same draw, you can agree that they will not draw each other. Decide this before the draw, not after.

5. Tell each person privately

Send each person their match in a private message, one at a time. The organizer knows every match unless people draw their own names, so keep that list to yourself. If you make a Say Wishes scratch-off card, make one link for each person and send it only to them, because anyone who has the link can scratch it. Do not post links in a group chat.

6. Share simple rules

A short list prevents awkwardness. Good rules include:

• Stay inside the budget.
• Wrap the gift and add a tag with the first letter of the name, not the giver.
• Keep it kind. No jokes at someone’s expense.
• No alcohol in a workplace unless the group agrees.
• Say whether regifting is allowed.
• Ask about allergies and dietary needs before anyone buys food.

7. Help people choose well

Some people struggle with a name they hardly know. You can ask each person to share two or three likes, such as a favorite snack, a hobby or a color, as optional hints. A gift that is useful, small and thoughtful nearly always works. A coffee, a plant, a good pen, a book or something for their hobby are safe ideas.

Choosing the gift

✓ Usually welcome

• A coffee, tea or a favorite snack
• A plant or a good pen
• A book, or something for their hobby
• A gift that is useful, small and thoughtful

✕ Think twice

• Anything that costs well over the limit
• Jokes at someone's expense
• Alcohol in a workplace, unless the group agrees
• Food, before you have checked for allergies

8. Plan the reveal

Decide whether to reveal the givers or keep it secret forever. A reveal is fun in person: each person opens a gift, guesses the giver, then finds out. For remote groups, a short video call works. Allow a few minutes for thank-yous.

9. What if someone drops out?

Have a plan. If someone leaves after the draw, two people are affected: the person they were going to give to has lost a giver, and the person who was going to give to them has no one to buy for. Fix both at once by quietly asking the person who drew the dropout to give to the dropout’s match instead. Nobody else needs to know.

10. Say thank you

After the swap, encourage people to say thank you, even if privately. A short message makes everyone feel appreciated and keeps the tradition alive for next year.

Before you start

Before you start

• I invited people and set a deadline to join.
• I set the budget, the currency, the date and the place.
• I will draw the names and keep them private.
• I will send each person their match in a private message.
• I will share the rules, including allergies.
• I have planned the reveal and the thank-yous.

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When you are ready, the Secret Santa tool lets you type the name each person drew and your swap details, then share a scratch-off card by link. Browse the ready-made Secret Santa notes for budgets, deadlines and rules, and change them to fit your group. For more ideas, see the Christmas and winter page.